A Guide to Thoughtful Plus-One Selection for Your Wedding Day
Striking the perfect balance between love and logistics.
Where do you draw the line with plus ones for your wedding day?
72% of survey responses said depending on your relationship with the significant other, and the other 28% said depending on if they live together.
If you’re planning a wedding, I’m sure this topic resonates. Figuring out your guest list isn’t easy to begin with, but then when relationships get added to the picture it’s a whole added element of having to decide who to include on your special day.
So, where do you draw the line with plus ones?
Although people may have different opinions on this topic, I’d recommend following these simple steps below:
Living Together? Plus One’s a Given!
If the couple shares a home, their plus one is practically a built-in feature of the celebration.
Let’s say they don’t live together yet, but are planning to move in together in the next few months. You can go either way with how you want to handle this, but it’s probably best to include their plus one. If a couple chooses to move in together, chances are that they expect to have a future with one another. Obviously this doesn’t mean their future is a guarantee, but it’s definitely on the safer side to assume so.
Bridal Party Privilege: Offer the Option
Extend the plus one privilege to your bridal party, recognizing that some may actually prefer to attend solo.
Let’s say someone in your bridal party is in a more recent relationship or they don’t live together, they may not be ready to attend a big affair as a couple yet. Bringing someone on the newer side to an affair may not always be as easy as it sounds. For example, part of you may feel obligated to introduce your plus one to friends or family, but the other part of you might feel obligated to be close to the bride and groom all night. Depending on the people involved, you should give you bridal party the option to bring a plus one or not.
Set Clear Boundaries
Establish transparent guidelines for plus ones early on in the planning process, ensuring consistency and avoiding confusion. Make sure to define specific criteria to guide your decision-making process. Here are some examples of boundaries you may want to consider:
Engaged or Married Couples: Limiting plus ones to engaged or married couples only.
Relationship Length: specify a minimum duration for the relationship. For example, you might decide to extend plus ones to couples who have been dating for over a year.
Family Members: Decide on whether to extend plus ones to family members, even if they’re not in a committed relationship. This might include siblings or cousins who appreciate the option to bring a guest.
Living Together: As mentioned earlier, one straightforward boundary is to extend a plus one if the guests are living together. This recognizes the shared living arrangement as a significant commitment.
Guests Who Have Met Both Partners: extend plus ones to guests who have met both you and your partner. This ensures a level of familiarity and connection.
So with all that said, how do you go about breaking the news to those you’re not extending the plus one invite to?
Communicating the plus one decision can be delicate, but transparency is always key. To go about pleasing yourself without hurting others requires a careful and thoughtful approach. Before diving into your communication, be clear about your priorities and the factors influencing your plus ones decisions. Whether it’s budget constraints, venue limitations, or an intimate vision for your wedding, understanding your own priorities helps articulate them to others. The safest way to approach any conversation is out of pure honesty so that the other party can understand the decision you had to make and how you feel in doing so.
Be Consistent: apply your plus one policy consistently across your guest list. This helps avoid misunderstandings and ensures fairness.
Highlight the Importance of Intimacy: if your wedding is intended to be an intimate affair, emphasize the desire for a close-knit celebration. Help guests understand that your goal is to keep it small.
Express Budget Considerations: if budget constraints are a factor in your decision, be honest about it. Most guests will appreciate your openness about the financial realities of wedding planning.
As someone who is always concerned about putting others before myself, I understand that being selective may not come easy, but don’t forget that your wedding day is about YOU. This is one of the few times in your life that you can and should be making decisions that prioritize your happiness. It’s an opportunity to create moments that resonate with your love story, gathered with your closest friends and family, unencumbered by external concerns.
If you’re in a pickle about a certain plus-one that you’re debating on your wedding day, feel free to comment or DM me the scenario below and I’ll give you my honest, unbiased opinion.
Cherish this special time dedicated to the two of you, savoring the unique journey that you’re embarking on together.
If you’re loving my newsletters, it’d mean the world to me if you could share this with other brides, maid of honors, mother of the brides, etc. that you think would enjoy this as well. I appreciate every one of you who follows along and have some really exciting surprises coming in the next few months.
Happy wedding planning to all of my brides-to-be!
With love,
Lexi