Celebrating Love in Times of War
Addressing the tough realities of October 7th on your special day.
As a Jewish person, addressing the tough realities facing Israel and Jewish people worldwide since October 7th on a normal day is hard, so to do so on the happiest day of your life during your wedding ceremony naturally makes this really difficult for brides and grooms. With that said, as Jewish supporters, it’s important to use our voices any way we feel comfortable doing so, and a wedding is a great way to send a message to those who are closest to you.
For Jewish fiances, this means having a conversation with your significant other to determine if you’re on the same page about whether to honor Israel at your wedding. There’s no right or wrong answer - you must do what feels right for you.
68% of survey respondents think it’s important to take a moment for Israel, whereas the remaining 32% preferred that the officiant kept it light and fun during a wedding.
If you choose to honor Israel at your wedding, you may question how you should do so. The most common way to do this is to have the officiant add a few lines during the ceremony. I’ve heard officiants tell beautiful stories about how it’s important to celebrate Simcha, which means gladness or joy in Hebrew, during times like these.
72% of people have seen people acknowledge Israel at weddings in other ways, other than the officiant saying something during the ceremony, where the remaining 28% did not.
With that being said, having an officiant speak about Israel during your ceremony may not be the touch you’re looking for. Or maybe it is, but you’d like to do more than just that.
Here are some other ways you can acknowledge and honor Israel at your wedding:
Play the Hatikvah during the ceremony. The Hatikvah - Israel’s National Anthem - carries as much meaning today as ever before. The song recounts the Jews' undying connection to Zion and dreams of return to their homeland.
Have your officiant say a prayer for Israel during the ceremony. For brides that are worried about their officiant having free reign to say too much or too little, this is a great way to make sure there’s no surprises.
Place an Israeli flag in or on top of the chuppah. You could even wrap it around you and your significant other instead of, or in addition to, a tallit.
Create a sign with a Star of David with a quote and/or prayer and place it near the entrance of where your ceremony will be taking place. This will be a first impression to your guests, sending them an important reminder on your special day.
Use an Israeli flag instead of napkins when you’re lifted up in chairs during the Horah. During the Horah, brides and grooms often swing napkins in the air. The napkin serves as a way for the couple to connect without actually touching one another. A great way to honor Israel is to do the same but with an Israeli flag rather than a plain napkin.
Play a few Israeli songs during the party! You can even pass out a few Israeli flags for guests to dance with if you desire.
Include a moment of silence for Israel during your Rehearsal Dinner, which may be during shabbat.
Play the song Im Eshkachech Yerushalayim when breaking the glass at end of ceremony. The breaking of the glass is a recognition of sadness during a happy time. When one steps on the glass, we’re meant to remember the destruction of the temple. Another thing we can remember is October 7th.
Have one of your wedding band vocalist sing Mi Sheberiach. This is a Jewish prayer for healing, and in this case, we can pray for Israel.
Have your officiant lead a prayer for the IDF under the chuppah towards the end of ceremony. The national military of Israel, Israel Defense Forces, selflessly puts their lives on the line to defend Israel. It’s so important to keep these brave soldiers top of mind as they do every day for us.
Of course, there’s a lot to consider here. I’d highly recommend sitting down with your significant other to decide whether or not you want to honor Israel during your wedding weekend. Should you choose to do so, it might also help to speak with your officiant who may also offer valuable advice.
I am personally devastated every day by what’s going on in Israel. My wedding is approaching and I, like many others, feel guilty for being able to move forward with everyday life while others are suffering. During those times, I remind myself that we, Jews, are strong. It inspires me that soldiers in the IDF are still getting married - some of which could be under attack. That’s what being Jewish is all about - staying resilient and loyal even in the toughest times. The qualities of love, hope, unity and loyalty are clearly evident in Jewish people, and these are the same qualities that will sustain a Jewish marriage.
As a Jew, this is an incredibly heart wrenching and sensitive topic. It’s important to lean on one another in times like these for support. Let’s come together as Jewish brides and grooms today and always for advice.
With love and light,
Lexi