Dear Lex: Confronting the Awkward in Your Wedding Journey
A Bride's guide to unraveling uncomfortable questions
While wedding planning is undeniably an incredible experience, it also presents its fair share of challenges. Many people find themselves grappling with hypothetical situations that likely resonates with countless brides and grooms. Whether it involves navigating family dynamics, adhering to budget constraints, resolving bridal party issues, finalizing invite lists, managing plus ones, or encountering other dilemmas, it’s entirely normal for these types of questions to come up, and equally normal not to have clear answers.
Introducing ‘Dear Lex,’ a new weekly segment dedicated to assisting you on your wedding journey. I aim to provide my unbiased perspective to help you navigate through these uncertainties. Each week, I’ll inviting you to submit your questions or share situations you find challenging. I will also create Instagram polls around these topics to see what the majority thinks, and I will share these stats with you all.
Feel free to either submit anonymously or send me a direct message. I assure you that all submissions will be kept confidential, and I will offer my genuine thoughts.
So... let’s get started!
Dear Lex,
“What do I do if I’m in a friend group, but I only want to include a few of the girls in my bridal party?”
First of all, you’re not alone. I get this question all of the time and even experienced it myself. I choose the easy route by avoiding conflict with my friends. Rather than selecting a few girls from the group, I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I decided to not do any at all. With that said, I don’t think that’s necessarily the answer that should apply for everyone. At the end of the day, it’s your wedding and you should be surrounded by the people who you really want to stand by your side. If they’re really your friends, have open and honest conversations with them. Put trust in your friendships that they’ll understand.
“What do I do if I don’t have anyone to ask to be in my bridal party?”
You concentrate on what you do have. You are luckier than most to have found your true love that you’re choosing to spend your life with. In today’s world, there’s no ‘one way’ to have a wedding. Many people choose to keep their bridal party intimate, or non-existent, as they want to keep the focus on the bride and groom. It’s an amazing way to go, so stay in your lane and focus on all the good ahead.
“I’m not having bridesmaids, but I want to include them on my wedding day for group photos. What do I do?”
This is so common! Hair and makeup get expensive and chaotic, so many brides to choose to meet their already-dressed guests at the venue to take pictures. Very often you’ll ask those girls to wear the same color that way your photos look uniformed and purposeful!
“If my bridesmaid shows me a dress that she LOVES for my wedding that I HATE, what do I say to her?”
78% of survey respondents think it’s necessary for the bride to approve of their bridesmaid dresses to make sure it goes with their look, 22% think it’s not a big deal and that the bridesmaids should wear whatever they want.
Your bridesmaids are your closest friends, so if that we’re me, I’d say “I hate it lol. You look beautiful in everything, but it’s not the look I’m going for. Would you mind showing me other options?”
“If one of my bridesmaids wants to speak at my Rehearsal Dinner, but we have too many speakers, what do I tell her without hurting their feelings?”
90% of survey respondents think the bride and groom should select a few people so that it’s not too many speeches at the rehearsal dinner, and the other 10% think everyone in your bridal or bachelorette party should speak.
You tell her just that. “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but we have too many speakers so I need to divvy it up between my Rehearsal Dinner and Bridal Shower. Would you mind speaking at my Bridal Shower instead?"
“Two sets of parents arguing over what the wedding should be like. What do I do?”
Firstly, remind your parents that this is nothing to fight over, and they’re not role modeling good behavior for their children. At the end of the day, parents should suggest their ideas, but it’s up to you and your fiancé as to what you want your special day to look like. You and your fiance should sit down with your parents and express that - that you will determine with their help what the day should look like.
“Some people need to double up walking down the aisle with two groomsmen rather than one. Do you think they’ll take offense to this?”
No, not at all! The more the merrier - lucky girl!
“Is it true that your closest friends should be first or last to walk down your wedding aisle? If yes, do you think my other bridesmaids will get upset then?”
That’s an old standard. Anyone who walks down your aisle is extremely important to you.
“Does the bride have to pay for her bridesmaids hair and makeup? How do you bring this up?”
60% of survey respondents believe you should definitely pay for your bridesmaids hair and makeup, 34% think you should pay for one or the other, and 6% don’t think the bride should have to cover this.
There are absolutely no rules when it comes to this. If the bride is inclined to gift her bridesmaids hair and/or makeup, that’s so sweet and generous. If not, bridesmaids usually know how to come to one’s wedding day putting their best foot forward whether they choose to get their hair/makeup professionally done on their own or paying extra attention as they do their own. Linked here are all of my favorite hair and makeup products that I use for weddings & LOVE!
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“How do I choose which friends to sit with on my wedding night - bride or grooms?”
Every situation is completely different. Very often it depends on simple math, like how many seats are at what table and how your numbers net out. Many bride and grooms choose to sit alone, with siblings, close cousins or friends, but at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter because you won’t really even be sitting that much.
"What do I do if a close friend of mine just started dating someone new and I never met them. Should you invite +1 to wedding if you’re already tight on your guest list?”
A casual boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t need to be invited to a wedding. Weddings are expensive and numbers are tough. If you think someone is a “keeper” and you really see a future, you may choose to include them.
“What if I don’t want to invite someone’s plus-one?”
72% of survey respondents think you should only invite someone’s plus one depending on the relationship you have with their significant other, whereas the other 28% thinks you should definitely invite them if they live together.
Then don’t!
“How do you handle that awkward ‘Can I bring a date?’ question?”
A wedding is really not a place to ask to bring a casual date, so feel confident to explain that and remind them that weddings are a great place to meet new people!
“I don’t want to hurt friends by not including them on my bachelorette party, but I also want to keep it small. What do I do?”
Explain to your friends that you want to have a small bachelorette, but there will be many pre-wedding events that all can attend and you look forward to sharing those with them. If they’re your true friends, they’ll understand.
“My parents got divorced when I was really young. I’m still close with my dad, but I’m just as close with my step-father (he basically raised me). Who do I walk down the aisle with?”
There are many ways to handle this. Traditions say that a bride walks down the aisle with her biological parents. If you choose this route, you can honor your step-father in another way. For example, he can walk halfway up the aisle to meet your mother, give you a kiss, and proceed down the aisle together your mom.
“Do I have to have my siblings stand under the chuppah if they had me stand under theirs?”
No, you don’t have to do anything. Each wedding is independent, and this can also be dependent on the venue.
“My divorced parents don’t get along. Do I walk with both of them down the aisle?”
Yes! They might not get along, but they both get along with you.
“How do I handle two different religions during my wedding ceremony?”
That just takes open conversation with your officiant, and both the bride and groom should bring traditions and ideas that they’d like incorporated into the ceremony.
“I don’t feel like I have that perfect ‘bride body’ that others have. How do I feel better about my body image to make sure I enjoy my day without worrying how I look?”
It’s important to bring your best self to your wedding, and by that I do not mean your ideal body weight. Confidence is much more beautiful than body weight. Use the time leading up to your wedding to relish in all of the happiness that is coming your way, and that will lead you to your best self.
“I’m having an outdoor ceremony that’s weather dependent. If it rains, I’ll be really upset if my ceremony is indoors. What do I do?”
Know yourself and your tolerance level for weather related issues early on to avoid them if possible. If you’ve already booked your venue, then go with the flow. Focus on the things that you can control - this is not one of them. Plus, some of the best wedding photos I’ve seen are the impromptu photos in the rain. Enjoy it - life is going to hit you with a lot of surprises, and it’s all about how you deal with those surprises that really matter.
“What do I do if my parents aren’t chipping into my wedding or arguing about how much to contribute?”
These are two different situations.
If your parents aren’t chipping in, and the task lies on you, then plan a wedding that you and your fiancé are comfortable spending.
If your parents are arguing about what to chip in, then the same applies to your parents. Advise them they should only spend what they’re comfortable with.
Just remember that a wedding is a celebration, but it’s your marriage that counts.
I hope ‘Dear Lex’ is helpful to all those following along on this exciting journey!
Love,
Lex