Being invited to a wedding is such an honor - it’s the most important day in a couple’s life and to be included on this special day shows real value to your relationship. As much fun as it may be to be a wedding guest, it also means navigating gift giving throughout the couple’s wedding journey.
It’s important to start this off by stating that there is no right versus wrong in gift-giving. With that said, being in “wedding season” can become costly, so I definitely recommend planning ahead as much as you can to save up for this time in your life. I’m here to share with you my personal experiences with gift-giving and provide you with some guidance on how I’d recommend approaching the topic.
So you may be thinking, should I give a physical gift or money? How much do I spend on my best friend’s wedding versus a close friend versus a distant friend versus a coworker? If I’m not attending, do I still need to give a gift? Do I give less than what I’d give if I had attended? If it’s a destination wedding, do I spend less than I normally would?
Although this may not be the answer you want to hear, the short, simple answer is obvious, and that’s to spend an amount that you’re comfortable spending based off your relationship with the couple.
But I understand if that’s not what you were hoping to hear, so let’s dive a bit deeper. In this week’s article, I will share with you my personal opinion along with some data that is pulled directly from my weekly Instagram polls with opinions from my followers.
Physical Gifts vs. Money
I’m not just saying this… you can’t go wrong here!
If you’d rather buy something intimate for a couple by purchasing a physical gift rather than just writing a check or giving cash, I totally understand that. If you do take this route, I’d highly recommend purchasing a gift directly off the couple’s wedding registry for a few reasons: 1) This allows the couple to receive a gift that they actually picked out and added to their registry because they genuinely want it. 2) This gives them the flexibility to return the item, if needed, and exchange it out for something else with a return policy they are familiar and comfortable with. 3) It’s easier for you too! You don’t need to go through the sweat and hassle of searching online, wondering if what you’re picking out is something the couple would enjoy. It’s a win-win for everyone!
If you’re curious what the majority does, 49% of people voted that their go-to wedding gift is money, 34% give something from the wedding registry, and 15% contribute to the honeymoon or cash fund.
Personally speaking, I prefer to just write checks and put it in a card with a meaningful note. I find that you can never go wrong with cash, and this gives the couple the flexibility to spend or save it in any way they choose. Cash can help newlyweds to pay off their bills, go on their honeymoon and of course begin their lives together. It’s such a modern way of gift giving these days that some couples have even opted into cash funds on their wedding registry for different occasions.
Next question - if you give a check, should you bring it to the wedding ceremony? 75% of voters said that they give a check as a wedding gift whereas the remaining 25% send the check in the mail. I typically bring my gift to the wedding, but I will admit I do forget to bring it sometimes even if it’s sitting on the counter sealed & ready to go. So when that happens, I’ll send it by mail the following day.
How Much to Spend on a Wedding Gift?
How much money being spent on a wedding gift is determined by so many factors including your relationship, your budget and your cost to simply attend (travel, hotel, etc.).
It may sound obvious, but the closer you are to a couple, the more you should spend on your wedding gift. For example, if you’re attending one of your girlfriend’s weddings that you’re in the bridal party for, you’d likely give much more than if you were attending a coworker’s wedding where you’ve only hung out with them a few times.
When my fiancé and I give a wedding gift as a couple to another couple, we typically give at least $150/pp which usually applies to a distant family member, friend or coworker. If it’s a close friend or family, we’ll give between $175-$250/pp depending on the relationship. If it’s someone who we’re extremely close with, we’ll give $250+/pp depending on the relationship and what we feel is right.
In an Instagram poll about gift giving on behalf of 1 person, 54% of voters said that they give $150 or less, 43% of voters said they give between $150-$300 and 3% give $300+.
Sometimes if I am in between two whole numbers, I’ll typically sway towards giving a gift in intervals of 18 (18, 36, 54, 72) which is a Jewish tradition. For example, if I’m between $200 and $250, I’ll give the couple $236.
Should You Still Give a Wedding Gift if You Cannot Attend?
In my opinion, yes. If you’re invited to someone’s wedding and cannot attend, that’s obviously not ideal on either end, but you’re still invited because of the relationship you share. So if you’re unable to attend, I don’t think this should change whether or not you give a gift. If anything, it’d possibly change the amount you give, but again that’s totally based on your own finances and relationship with the couple.
Gift Giving at Destination Weddings
It’s pretty obvious how expensive destination weddings are. From taking off work, to traveling, paying for accommodations, and more, it’s OK to question whether you feel it’s necessary to also give a wedding gift on top of all of these spendings. I’m definitely on the side of thinking gift giving is always a must no matter how big or small the occasion, and regardless of whether you can attend. This doesn’t mean you have to splurge the way you would if you weren’t traveling. The only time I feel when it’s unnecessary to give gifts at a destination wedding is when the couple makes it known prior to the event that they do not expect to receive gifts. Some couples do this as they are already aware of the expenses you are responsible for to be there, and this is their way of recognizing and appreciating it in a super humbled way.
Gift Giving for Other Wedding Related Celebrations
You might be thinking to yourself, “what, there’s more?!” With the wedding doesn’t just come one event. There’s of course the engagement where some people give an engagement gift as a nice gesture to start off the couple’s journey with one another, as well as bridal shower gifts for the bride. Although these are added expenses along the way, the good news is is that it’s typically less than the gift for the wedding day.
65% of voters said that bridal shower and engagement gifts are definitely necessary in addition to a wedding gift and the remaining 35% said they are not.
If you ask me, the answer is yes. For any occasion or event you’re invited to, I believe you should not show up empty-handed. I actually feel this way about any event - if someone is hosting me at a party, I like to show up with a gesture to show my appreciation for the invite.
Let’s break it down…
Engagement Gifts
The same way that the price varies depending on your budget and friendship for weddings is the same for engagements. If your best friend gets engaged, it’s of no surprise that you’d want to purchase a more meaningful gift. If it’s someone close to you, you can do the average amount. If it’s someone semi-distant, you can do the minimum. 44% of people voted that you should give around $75 for an engagement gift, 34% voted you should give $50 or less and 22% said you should give $100 or more.
If you’re the type to give money as a wedding gift, I’d recommend using the wedding registry for the engagement gift. This way, you’ll be giving one physical gift that the couple can really use and enjoy.
Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
Bridal Shower Gifts
You guessed it… same here too. 52% of voters said they give between $50-$100, 20% give $50 or less and 11% give $100 or more.
Although you can also get a bridal shower gift on someone’s registry, I usually like to chip in with other girls attending the bridal shower. It feels even more special when the bridal party organizes a group gift where everyone chips in for something meaningful that the bride will love.
For some gift giving inspiration and advice, click here.
So let’s be real. Weddings are expensive, but so is being a wedding guest. Try to keep all of this in mind as you’ll likely have several friends get engaged and married over the next couple of years, that way it doesn’t come of surprise when it’s time to give gifts.
As we approach wedding season, it’s essential to remember that giving as a wedding guest can be costly, but it’s also an opportunity to celebrate love and create cherished memories. Let’s embrace the joy of sharing in these special moments with our loved ones, and remember that what goes around comes around - the kindness and generosity you extend today may come back to you in unexpected and heartwarming ways. In the end, the joy of witnessing the happiness of others is a priceless gift in itself. So, as you prepare for the upcoming celebrations, do so with an open heart, and remember that the love and support you give are treasures that will always be cherished.
Hopefully this article helped give you some direction on gift-giving in the wedding world. If you still feel like it’s not that simple even after reading this, that’s okay. I’m here for you. If you have any questions about a specific relationship and want to talk, feel free to DM me or drop a comment below, and I’d be happy to help give any additional guidance in any way I can.
With love,
Lexi